Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Layer of fat

"But I thought you were philosophically opposed to cleanses," Julie wrote to me, in an email yesterday. "It's true," I wrote back, "I am." WTF then? Why did I spend two days in agony, carb-less, sugar-less, caffeine-less, alcohol-less, meat-less and dairy-less?

Here's where it went awry:
1. I saw Gwyneth Paltrow on "The Marriage Ref," and suddenly after years of indifference, I swooned. Look at her amazing body! And that shiny blond hair! And the effortless, upper-crust charm! I went to her oft-mocked web site, GOOP, and decided I should do like Gwyneth and do a cleanse to rid myself of my winter layer of fat (n.b. on pork belly and short ribs, THIS IS THE BEST PART).

2. I had been traveling for work a fair amount and had a few too many airport meals, some of which consistent of double-wide packs of peanut M & Ms, one of the on-board snacks you can purchase on a Delta flight. I felt full of sugar and I hate how much I love sugar, how it rules me.

What I learned:

1. Everything I already knew. Exercise in extremes are a disaster.
3. Sometimes 5 ibuprofen are not enough.
4. Starting the day with a cool glass of lemon water is a delight! I will continue this.
5. Grandaisy Bakery's raisin walnut roll is AMAZING, and not just because I hadn't eaten carbs in 2.5 days. The crust is perfect, and I believe it has fresh ground peppercorns in it. Zing!
6. This kale salad is wonderful. I ate it two days running for lunch and I have no regrets! Inspired by a recipe on Eat Drink Better.

1 Cup uncooked quinoa
3 Stalks of kale
1 small Cucumber, peeled and diced
1/4 Cup pine nuts, toasted
1/2 avocado, diced
1 Tbsp sesame seeds
1 lemon's worth of lemon juice
1 Tbsp rice vinegar

Cook quinoa according to instructions on box or bag
Meanwhile, get rid of the thick stalk on the kale, and roughly chop the leaves
Toss them with the cucumber, the lemon juice and the vinegar
Then add cooled quinoa. Then sesame seeds and pine nuts. Mix to coat.
Then put diced avocado on top and sprinkle with sea salt


Amy said...

I so empathize with what a glance at Paltrow will do. But I didn't even make it through reading the menu for that cleanse to know that it would never happen. Also, still looking for her gene cleanse, the one that will give me Blythe Danner's. Also, saw what that crazy trainer of hers did to her to get her in shape after her winter layer of blubber and it was like a cross between Kill Bill and Cirque du Soleil.

Deena said...

i agree that crazy trainer of hers does resemble a super-skinny circus performer. but joining the circus sounds a heck of a lot easier than giving up short ribs for lemon water.

stellaforstar said...

These 2 comments are a perfect encapsulation of what I love about my friends. They are funny, and they love ribs.